I can't sleep. I've been thinking a lot about my life lately and how I feel like such a fake. My life up until this point has essentially been a game of spiritual ping pong, with my soul bouncing recklessly from bumper to bumper. I don't have any apologies, and I'm not trying to get too personal here (this isn't a diary-blog, after all).
I've thought a lot about people like Johnny Cash, Edward Sharpe (Alex Ebert), and Tomas Kanolky (not that the three can even be compared), and I've marveled at their musical genius and read about their personal lives. What has surprised me about them though, is that they all have people who love them and people who hate them. For Sharpe, people complain that he's a fake and point to his older band, Ima Robot, as proof that he just changes styles every time there's a trend shift in the music world. For Kanolky, people say he's a terrible person for the junk that has gone done between him and the old Catch 22. And Cash? Well, he simply claimed to have been at Folsom Prison and people believed him. Each man has fans and haters - each has disingenuous bones in their body and skeletons in their closet. But guess what? I'm just going to go out on a limb here and say that they're all human, and humans have flaws. I'm just the same as them, and you are too (even if we don't have amazing instrumental skills... Yet...).
That being said, I accept that I just want to create things and that I'm total fake just like everybody else. I'll do crappy things to you, and I'll steal your music and make it my own because I obsess and fall in love with things (not people) way too easily. I'll be halfway decent on the guitar and have a strange voice that you may or may not like. It's all a luck of the draw. Whether success or failure, the point is that we all should stop caring about each others' opinions and just play. This is what life is about. And yes, I'm playing the guitar again and writing music. I'm ready to get this over with.
I leave you with the man in black with a song that has really captivated me over the weekend. Enjoy:
"Unchained"
Johnny Cash
I have been ungrateful,
I've been unwise.
Restless from the cradle,
Now I realize,
It's so hard to see the rainbow,
Through glasses dark as these.
Maybe I'll be able,
From now on, on my knees.
Oh, I am weak.
Oh, I know I am vain.
Take this weight from me,
Let my spirit be unchained.
Old man swearin' at the sidewalk,
I'm overcome.
Seems that we've both forgotten,
Forgotten to go home.
Have I seen an angel?
Oh, have I seen a ghost?
Where's that rock of ages,
When I need it most?
Oh, I am weak.
Oh, I know I am vain.
Take this weight from me,
Let my spirit be unchained.
I have been ungrateful,
I've been unwise.
Restless from the cradle,
Now I realize,
It's so hard to see the rainbow,
Through glasses dark as these.
Maybe I'll be able,
From now on, on my knees.
Oh, I am weak.
Oh, I know I am vain.
Take this weight from me,
Let my spirit be unchained.
Old man swearin' at the sidewalk,
I'm overcome.
Seems that we've both forgotten,
Forgotten to go home.
Have I seen an angel?
Oh, have I seen a ghost?
Where's that rock of ages,
When I need it most?
Oh, I am weak.
Oh, I know I am vain.
Take this weight from me,
Let my spirit be unchained.
